only in America will a pet food company advertise a “movement” to fight PET obesity. we are so fat our PETS are fat. having Purina advocate for pets to lose weight is like tobacco companies pushing for anti-smoking campaigns. stupid.
i’m addicted to A&E’s addiction shows. intervention. hoarders. and they have a new series about grotesquely overweight people starting in january called [heavy]. *shiver* gotta chase that high.
i watched two back to back episodes of hoarders tonight during this holy week of christmas and i realized one critical thing: ONLY IN FREAKING AMERICA! only in america can we have so much abundance little girls want to starve themselves to death for beauty and sad people can suffocate themselves in mountains of crap they…nor half of sub-saharan africa…don’t need.
the creepiest moment is when they showed how this old pasty overweight white lady had stuffed her daughter’s childhood bedroom to the gills with hundreds of dead-eyed porcelain dolls to fill the emptiness that once was her relationship with her estranged daughter.
I SWORE I WAS WATCHING THE SETUP TO A HORROR MOVIE. it was just two scenes away from nightfall when all the little stonefaced dolls would wake up and lull the sad miserable mother into thinking she needed to follow their lead and get them access to slashing the throats of all the little girls in the neighborhood. GAWD. MOMMY MAKE IT STOP.
this is what i resolve this christmas: make the tackiest homemade cards and cook my way to all the obligatory gifts i can so my ass stays away from anything that remotely sounds like the sad ting of american cash registers.
i’ll get that ish sent to me via my amazon prime free two-day shipping instead. Merry ShoppingClaus!